I am currently reading "Quiet" by Susan Cain, a book
that explores the prevalence of the extrovert ideal and how the noisy have stamped
on the right of the individual to sit back and reflect rather than engage at
volume. It is, and I detest myself for using
the word, somewhat 'empowering', underlining what I have been trying to explain
to my family, and their friends for years.
I enjoy being quiet. I often yearn for solitude. I get pleasure from daydreaming, having a quiet
ponder. I prefer to look in at a crowd rather
than feel a need to be part of it and I have even managed to stop feeling obligated to interact with people out of mere social convention. I just don't do small talk, and if I were to attempt it, the result would be much worse than the silence.
But despite all this, despite what others may think, I am not
odd. I am not shy. I am not miserable. I am not unsociable. (I am NOT having a rant!)
I am simply reflective. I prefer to consider my words, at length, before throwing them out. This is probably why I am doomed never to finish writing my great novel.
And because I write, I do have a keen interest in other people's lives, their quirks and foibles, their values and failings, their loves and losses, but I do not feel the need to concoct an empty conversation with them to drag out these details. Behind the writer's eye, and in the writer's imagination, their story really blooms.
But today everyone is expected to be outgoing. If you go to a wedding, you are told that you 'just HAVE to dance'. No you don't. Personally, I detest dancing. That does not make me a 'misery' anymore than it
would make you 'ignorant' if you refused my insistence that you sit down and read a book.
Years ago, I worked in a bank, and was doing quite well there, progressing on my merit and hard work, when, a new structure was announced, and a selection process brought in that everyone would have to go through. It was basically a half day in a grotty hotel conference room, sitting within a large circle, having a debate about something no-one had any real interest in, and you were judged on your ability to work within the group. However, most were so keen to inflict their personalities on the rest, that it turned into a shouting match in which I took no part, thinking it was all at least laughable, if not completely ridiculous. I was judged to be rather submissive and not a 'team player'. I left soon after and have never regretted it.
Similarly, a friend's son is currently in secondary school, where he is excelling. He has a large circle of friends, many outside interests, and is remarkably bright, with a true gift for creativity. He possesses an eye for drawing, and an easy flair with the written word that leaves me agog. But his mother has been told he will struggle in English because his oral skills let him down. He is seen as a little shy, a little 'too' quiet. Pfftt! FFS. WTF. (And other such acronyms.)
Everyone is different and, in truth, introvert / extrovert is a crude measure; but we would all be able to put ourselves somewhere along that scale.
It just strikes me as a little dis-spiriting that we do not view the reticent with the same charm as we do the out-going. We are all constantly being told to 'think outside the box'. I live 'outside the box'. It's nice. Come on out.
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